GaptoothDiva
Faced with the everyday challanges of life, love, and cheap fashion, a diva discovers her love of her own flaws.Expecting More from People
I recently realize that far too many people don’t value themselves enough to require certain qualities in the people that they associate with. For example, me being the person I am, out-spoken and straight forward, I ask that everyone I know be completely honest with me at all times. It’s not a very hard thing, honesty, but you won’t believe the amount of lies that come out of people’s mouths for no reason. I’ve had friends that would lie straight to my face about the most tedious of things like, if I had something on my face, to the more serious offenses like talking negatively about me behind my back. It was so frustrating to deal with these character flaws in people that I ultimately couldn’t trust them enough to continue the friendship or association. I made it a rule of mine, that in order for us to continue a true friendship I need one hundred percent honesty and realness. It’s up to me to enforce this rule within my relationship with people, to avoid being taken advantage of and wasting my time.
I think people don’t require certain things from others as often as they should. So many friends of mine are in relationships with guys, who they believe are unfaithful and are liars. How can you continue to be in a situation that is making you uncomfortable? They have made their needs clear, told them on more than one occasion that these are the things they don’t want and don’t like. However, these people still try to lie and play their way through the relationship. When you make it known that certain things will not be tolerated and you ensure some consequence to these actions, I believe that these guys will take you more seriously in the future.
I won’t compromise my integrity or values to maintain a relationship with someone who does not respect me enough to keep it real. I just can’t. When I show that I’m not happy with that kind of behavior, when I let them know that I will not tolerate it, it happens a lot less often.
Trust me when I say, that when people “be about” what they tend to talk about so often, they not only get the respect of their peers but they also get a better sense of self-respect. It’s not easy losing friends, believe me I know. However, I rather lose a thousand fake and disrespectful people in my life, sticking to stringent criteria of association, and keep the small group of real folks, then to have a thousand people who truly don’t care for me and lie to my face everyday.
Expect more from yourself and those around you. When you say I don’t like when people smoke around me, then stop hanging out with that one chick who continues to chain smoke right in your face. She would be much better off not making you uncomfortable, by hanging with people that can appreciate the fact that she smokes and you wouldn’t have to constantly remind her about that issue. I think life is too short to waste on minor things, when you ultimately striving to do the major ones. Forget compromising for others, when you are sacrificing yourself. Look out for your star player, you. In the end you end up a happy person with a lot less drama.
I am not a very hard person to get along with at all, according to some. However, my husband tells me all the time that I can be a little harsh. I know what he means, but to him I’ll never admit it.
He’s saying that at times, I come off like a bitch that is waiting to get into a confrontation. I’m really not that bad. I just don’t like bullsh*t and I call a spade a spade no matter what. I spent a good part of my life being quiet and taking whatever I could get. When I got older, I realized that I should say how I feel otherwise people won’t understand. When people don’t understand something, they tend to make their own interpretation of what “it” could mean. I don’t like that, especially when it comes to me. To avoid this confusion, I just lay everything on the line, straight up.
This makes some people uncomfortable and others can appreciate it. I’m not trying to deal with the ones that are uncomfortable, so I’m cool with this. Fuck it; I’ll say what I want.
Venting with No Follow Through
As far as I’m concerned, I’ve never been in a situation where the opportunity to speak up didn’t present itself, on way or another. Too many people don’t say exactly how they feel, which may not always be a bad thing. However, some people say how they truly feel to the wrong people at the wrong time. If someone did something or said something that bothered you, check them on it immediately. What is the point of going to another individual and speaking your mind about what you should have said or what you should have did? I’m an advocate about approaching people, because I don’t have that fear mechanism that tells me that that person might snap, nor do care to leave beef sitting so that it rots. I like to get my shit out the way, so I don’t spend all day thinking about it, wondering what could’ve happened or if only I said this. Life is too short. You have to strike while the iron is hot; otherwise you waste valuable time harboring emotions that you could have avoided, if you had just opened your mouth when the opportunity presented itself. I hear people, especially my female associates, talking about what someone said or did that had them boiling mad all day. I always ask, “How did you straighten things out?” They respond by saying they did nothing.
It is so upsetting to hear someone bitch about another person, who has no idea that they have an issue with the person doing the bitching. How can you go on and on about someone who is unaware that they upset you. Figure out how to approach the situation and get it done. If you are going to let someone slide on an infraction, then don’t bother calling everybody saying “Girl, let me tell you…”, because it’s all just a waste of time. I believe in approaching everyone and anyone, letting them know that they screwed up and how to rectify it, then dapping each other up, give a good talk salute, and moving on. Like I said, life is way too short.
Cheater
Cheater
It was all just a matter of time; you licked your lips and licked mine
We were feeling the passion, like shots to the soul
About now it’s impossible for us to let go
Cheater
We are entangled in a web of lies
You with your girl and me with my guy
Both pretending that we belong to each other,
But the truth is we belong to another
We are not together, but we make it seem so
Our conversation matched with love-making is so out of control
We rather spend our days wrapped around torsos
Then to let this affair go
Cheater
I’m not at all interested in hearing the details
Of why your love with her is destined to fail
Nor do I want to share, why my relations with my man is good
And playing games with you, is about much more than it should
How it’s about my hunger for lust, for the type of men that you normally don’t trust
How I like to make them sweat, then break them off with shit they don’t forget
Cheater
You cheat because you have to, when I cheat just for fun
You lie to yourself, while I lie to my son
Either way we are murders of the lessons of love
Because as selfish as it is, we are all we are thinking of
Sleeping with each other just to pass time
Times have past and we still crossing lines
It’s my imagination that has fallen behind
But deep inside, you realize you could never be mine
Cheater
It’s been a minute since I updated any information on the GaptoothDiva Diary. For that I do apologize to my fan base (I’m very sorry to the three of you, it won’t happen again.) I’ve been busy planning the wedding/vow renewal and getting promoted at work. I’m officially a Case Worker, so I feel like I can definitely attempt to make an impact on the community, one household at a time.
Check back soon for new post regarding life, love, relationships, work, and everything in between that turns the axle in the GaptoothDiva’s world. It’s been a very stressful couple of months and my engine is roaring with more ideas and more views on everyday life, that we all can relate to.
Thanks for checking in… peace & blessings 
GapToothDiva
I refuse to be let down, stomped on and mistaken
Regretting every decision, standing here shaking
They can take away my weapon, but I’m still made of steel
I truly give the people, something they can feel
They say they don’t like you but they steadily keep smiling
Secretly they bite you, ‘cause they know you be stylin’
With they faces screwed up they try not to speak
Although they ugly on the outside, you know its skin deep
I love it when they mad, ‘cause it means that I’m good
They hate me because I’m doing all the things they should
When they try to antagonize, they just giving more fuel
My haters are my vehicles that I built with no tools
I’m not going to be subtle, that don’t run in my veins
I’ve been through too much shit, too many heartache and pains
God gave me another chance, so I’m gonna do it again
I’m here to make a difference, with or without friends
I got my stilettos, I’m pumped up and ready
I’m fixin to win, but not slow and steady
I’m gonna breeze past these folks, like a supped up new Chevy
Wit’ a championship title, ‘cause my class is so heavy
They’ll knock and try to rob you, but it’s you that has the power
When you looking your best, it’s the haters that sour
I love that puke face, I laugh and just walk
They mad cause I follow through, not just talk the talk
I’m not the background, I don’t ride the bench
They all say look at that chick, that diva-fied wench
I’m the one to know, I can make them believe
This is the I’esha show, more tricks up my sleeve
They came to see me, my names on marquees
You can’t spell celebrity without an I and an E
Damn, I can’t help it, I’m even jealous of myself
For far too long, I put my shit on the shelf
Well not no more, there is a brand new I’esha
The one and only GapToothDiva
What??
He says…
He says I’m beautiful everyday, those words are like music to me
He says I’m perfect just the way I am and I believe him
He says that I can be whoever I want to be, and I know he’s right all the time
He says life was never the same after he said I do, and I agree
He says I love you, and I say it in return
But when he says it, I know it’s true
He says a lot of things… but I love you is all I hear.
The 24th on the 20th
Bottles popping, music dropping
Who could ask for a better way?
To get down wit the get down on your f***n birthday
People shouting, people singing
Some straight, some young, and some gay
Different folks, from different strokes
Come to see me, come to play
We got the niggaz on the left, checking ass checking breast
Trying to see what it do, if you down then F** the rest
You got chicks on the right, hair fly and body right
Dancing to the music drinking brown and sipping white
I was in daze more amazed then hell raised,
Showin ‘em how I do it in my Beyonce sort of way
Big girl popping, but not a thing stopping
Everyone plus your man, couldn’t help but keep watching
I got more tipsy then a little bit, grindin some niggaz just a little bit
Drop it low just a little quick, ‘cause I’m leanin like hell off this little sh**
My peoples all smiling, that’s the plan I had laid out
All that fightin’ in the club is most definitely played out
We in VIP, sippin on everything in a cup
Wildin’ out for your girl, cause we don’t give a F***
I rode that pole like a pro, cause that’s how I get down
Cause I’m thick u just don’t know, some hated but who they wit now?
I’m more happy cause they happy, cause I gives so much love
To my corporate sister and brothers, and to my project chicks and thugs
Thanks for spending time wit your girl… Lil’ mama… I’esha
The one, the true, the real GapToothDiva
Peace and Blessings
If my life was a movie… I would be sleep
I found out a couple of days ago, that a woman on my job died. It was a shock to me, because people die all the time. People get old and they die. However, this woman wasn’t old. She was in her thirties. She was a wife and a mother; she had a beautiful family and was even more beautiful herself. She died after a battle from cancer, but she did not lose. She left an impression on me, and I didn’t even know her. I saw her around, but I didn’t know her personally. When I read her obituary and read the quote she loved, her story, and how much her family cared. I was inspired. She died at such a young age and now her children must grow up without her, but I bet they have some great memories. I’m sure her kids will grow up with funny stories to tell and conversation to share about their mother and her strength, her beauty, and her courage. She seemed to realize the one thing that I keep forgetting all the time. Everyday is not promised to anyone; therefore live each day as if it were your last. If my life was a movie…I would be sleep. I’m doing half of the things that I want to do with my life, I’m talking to the people that inspire me, I’m not living the life I want. I decided after reading that obituary of the fascinating woman I never knew, I wanted to change. I’m no longer in the state of mind that conforms to what society thinks of what I should be. I’m no longer listening to the miserable hags that surround me about toning it down, being quiet and unseen, or pretending to be what I am not. I refuse to die today or tomorrow with regrets about me being myself. I want more excitement, more spontaneity, and more joy from my life. I know I need to change how I eat and take care of myself, that’ll come soon. What I really want to change is how I respond to things, how I manage friendships, how I allow others to treat me. The moment I stop being there for other people and start caring for myself, is the moment my life will make a difference to me. I want to look at the movie reel of my life and laugh, cry, get hype and yell at the screen, and walk away saying that was my favorite movie of all time. I want to be inspired by my own doing. I’m not scared to die, it’s strange but I never have been. In a sick way, I kind of look forward to seeing all my loved ones that passed away, but I want them to be proud when they see me. I want to come home with stories and tales of how I overcame adversity, I fell in love, I made something out of nothing, and I’m the ish. I want them to smile and say “I’esha, you did good, you did real good”, and I will smile back with a smile that says, I know.
Major Time/Minor People
When I looked into my Mother –in-law’s eyes last weekend, for the first time I understood her. She had made so many bad decisions in her life, failed so many times, that there was no left that she could turn to. I understood her because it was a feeling I feared almost all my life. She had the frantic voice of a woman lost and confused. She had tears welling up in her eyes, but she never cried. She had no where to go because she allowed someone she loved to manipulate her into thinking he would change. When everyone around her warned her that this was a trick, a plot to get into her world forever, she didn’t want to believe them. Her heart wanted her to believe that this was finally going to work. However, like they all predicted it failed. He used her and then tried to punish her for speaking up. She depended on him to do what he promised, and he took her for granted
For a while I depended on people to be just as dependable. I thought that if I told them everything about me and my life, they would trust me. I thought that if I gave them all I had that they would eventually be there when I needed them. I carried my relationships with people, like I carried an insurance policy. If I kept putting time, energy, even money into this account, then these people will have no choice but to be there for me. I thought that this was the way relationships were supposed to work. You give and give, because you want that person to see, that you are loyal, honest, and a friend. I started to notice that my friends were not there like I expected. One friend only called to talk about my job and the people in it. They are a diverse group, but it wasn’t that interesting. She eventually wanted me to do things that benefited her, but inconvenienced me. Another friend never called or came to see me at all. With her I felt like if I kept buying her things and paying for stuff that she would see that I was a true friend to her. She never saw it that way, and I eventually lost them both.
While I’m listening to my Mother-in-law go on and on about how she tried to change her man, but he wouldn’t change. I realized how stupid I must have looked or sounded when I did what I did. You can’t change people; you can only change yourself. By changing her behavior, she lost her man, maybe even an ounce of dignity, but her heart was in its place. She can recover from a lost relationship, but she can’t recover from a loss life. This man used her and was going to continue to use her, until she was either dead or in an asylum. I’m looking at her in her apartment with her things boxed up, no employment, and ready to be on the street because of someone else’s greed. I can’t be in that situation. I refuse to allow people to keep coming in my life, under the disguise that they are my friends/family and take, take, take. I’ve been in friendships that ended so bad, I didn’t hang out with nothing but guys for months. I’ve seen myself jump through hoops for a deadbeat best friend, only to discover they were just going along for the ride.
By listening to my Mother-in-law, I saw some truth within myself. I have turned my life upside down on more than one occasion for people who didn’t deserve my time. I put everything I had on the line, to keep in touch with people who didn’t value me the same.
I no longer feel that strongly for another person, who doesn’t reciprocate immediately. I remind myself all the time “Do not spend major time or major energy or minor people!”
